News Flash: WE PASSED!!!!

It's over baby!!! The Rabbi said, and I quote, he was "VERY impressed with us." WOOHOO!!! I gotta pack, I'm flying soon! More updates to follow..

Reckoning...

Oy.

It has been decided. Judgement day is almost upon me. The time has been set. All there is left to do is hope...and pray...and maybe study a little.

Thats right true believers, my test on Ta'aruvos is coming up! This Thursday, March 30th, at 1:00pm, Levi and I will be roasted over an open fire known only as "Rabbi Schmukler." Joining us will be two other hapless souls - Reuven Gitter and Boruch Sholom Wolf.

The Yeshiva "polls" have been cast, and I've been given very high "passing percentage"... I just hope Rabbi Schmukler reads the polls...

For all of you that are clueless as to what "Ta'aruvos" is, here's a brief description: Hilchos Ta'aruvos translates into "The laws of mixtures." Specifically, mixing Kosher food with Non-Kosher food. It describes how different flavors (e.g. The sharp taste of salt) affect the speed and depth of the mixture, as does the method of cooking (i.e. Actually cooking, roasting, or just soaking). It also describes how the texture of the food will affect its absorption level (i.e. Whether its a liquid, or a solid. A fatty solid, or a lean one, etc.), and the methods of nullifying a forbidden ingredient after it has been inadvertently added in. After learning all of this, I feel like some crazy cross between a mad scientist and a really bad chef.

Anyway, the point of this post was to:
a) Let you all know why my blog has been so dead recently (I've been studying!).
b) Beseech you to storm the gates of heaven on our behalf! Whip out those prayer books! Dust off those Psalms! Begin pouring out your hearts and souls to The Creator! Ask him to have mercy on two young, sweet, pure, innocent Rabbinical students! We're going to need all the help we can get!

::Sigh::

So little time and so much to learn! That translates into "I must leave you now." My Sefer is staring at me longingly... Accusingly... It's giving me a worse guilt trip than a Jewish mother!

I'll leave you with the one tidbit of unquestionable wisdom that is currently swirling through my brain...

Oy.

Late night ludicrousness

 
Somewhere on Doheny Drive... We had a good time that night :) 

I'm not sure if I ever posted this picture before, and I'm too lazy at the moment to go check my archives to see if I have :). This is the fam (I'm taking the picture - duh ;)) in Orlando, summer of '04, waiting on a line in Disney Quest to get onto the 3D pirate ride thingamabob... 

Purim Costumes

Well here they are as promised... These pictures were taken in a rush, so you don't really get to appreciate the costumes (we plan on putting them back on and doing another "photo shoot"). The theme was good and evil - Levi was evil, hence the freaky makeup and all the black. I was good, hence the 'pure' white and all the bright colors on my arms (even if they were tattoos ;)). As you can see, Levi had a massive makeup change between the first and second nights. I stayed the same. That's because evil fluctuates, while good remains a constant rock upon which all mankind places their hopes, dreams, and desires (I just made that up right now, but it sounds good :)).

The Prophet of Light

Would you look at that! Check out that example of an upright, moral, virtuous, and honorable hero! What an incorruptible, ethical, exemplary, and praiseworthy figurehead for the side of the angels! Wow. He could give Sir Galahad a run for his money! Siege Perilous, you might just have a new occupant....

The Prince of Darkness

Lord spare us! What a horrid apparition!!! He even comes with two faces to deceive us! I recoil from the stench of decay radiating from his body (He hasn't showered after all the dancing ;))! Deliver us...from EVIL!!!!

Overload

Right. So I haven't been here in a while. Things have been kinda hectic. Just to update you quickly:

Chabad of Irvine had an awesome dinner to celebrate the dedication of their new building. Black tie optional, huge attendance, great food, dancing, a really funny speech by one of the honorees (he broke into song every other line :)), and Elon Gold - a frum comedian who does really great imitations. It was an incredible night.

Purim. Oy vey Purim. Finding our costumes (pics will be put up very soon), driving around to drop off Shalach Manos, fasting, dancing, running around to read the Megillah, telling everyone to be quiet so we could hear the megillah, dancing, eating lots of candy, dancing, driving around to deliver more Shalach manos, an awesome Israeli themed meal/party, dancing... Did I mention we danced yet? That seems to be Irvines favorite hobby :).

Now things have started to return to normal... As normal as anything ever gets around here that is. Which means rushing to finish up the section were learning in Smicha (wish us luck :)), going to weddings (last night and tonight), and a Shabbaton this week in Irvine for all the Smicha guys! Hmmm... I wonder if there'll be any dancing ;)?

Stay tuned, I'll keep ya posted :)

Slightly ironic...

'Nuff said :)

What came first, the chicken, or the egg?

The Smicha program went on a field trip... Check the story below to find out why I'm wearing such a ridiculous looking shower cap in the middle of the day :)

Field Trip

No you didn't read that wrong.

Yes, grown men (sorry if you object to the usage of that term ;)) went on a field trip. Tuesday morning, the L.A. Smicha class of 2006, hopped into a fleet of cars and left their home base. Their destination? Corona, home of the cheese and egg plants! (No not the purple vegetable type eggplant. I mean the place they process chicken eggs... You know, the egg plant ;))

So there we were, on the road again. Drivin' like wild with the wind in our hair, and the sun in our hearts (don't ask me what that's supposed to mean). We were on our way! Footloose and fancy free! No one and nothing could stop us now... We stopped almost immediately because of our empty gas tank. Pulling over into one of the numerous overpriced providers of petroleum (lotsa P's in that sentence), we took out a second mortgage on our dorm, and topped off our tank. Then we were on the road again! With the wind in our hair, and the sun... Ok I'll stop now :).

Fast forward an hour. Nothing interesting happened on the drive, unless you count me falling asleep ( I wasn't driving at the time ;)). We arrived in the parking lot of the cheese plant. That must have been quite a shock for the poor secretary. About 30 bearded men piling into an office the size of a bathroom.

They dressed us up in these ridiculous outfits. Lab coats, hair and beard nets, safety goggles, and hard hats.

Say cheeeese ;)

I'm still trying to figure out what the hard hats and safety goggles were for. To protect us from a runaway wheel of violent Monterey Jack? Or maybe to ensure our safety from the infamous out of control Cheddar cubes? Either way, we learned a lot. It was interesting to hear what they said, and compare it to what we're learning in the books. It's pretty cool how we knew so much so long ago, that science only figured out recently.

From there, it was off to the egg plant (insert vegetable joke here). This tour was my favorite - There were so many cool machines! From the knives that sliced open the shells so the yolk could drop in little cups, to the wires that sliced a hard boiled egg perfectly in half. The rolling pin that shelled the eggs, and the suction cup thingy that could pick up dozens of eggs at the same time! Like I said, lotsa machines :).

They made us dress up here too (see other pic), but no safety goggles or hard hats. Just thicker hair nets. They also gave out blue lab coats, but there weren't enough. Good thing Levi kept his cheese plant coat, I used that. I didn't see a single chicken the entire time we were there, but maaaaan did it smell!

Levi, Meir, and I then bade farewell to the eggs, and made our way to Irvine. The scenery in Corona is incredible. Check Levis blog, he may have posted some pics. We chilled with the Tenenbaums for a bit, had dinner, then made our way back to L.A. where we attended a wedding. The guy was from NMB no less! So that was cool. Then we headed back to yeshiva, and crashed (into our beds, not a car or a pole or something. Sheesh people...). We were exhausted. Must have been all the driving, learning, and dancing...

Escapades

You're not going to believe half of this.

If you've ever been to a place as socially disfunctional as Downtown L.A. you might believe some of it. Although we've been told our story is a bit extreme. Supposedly you dont normally get to see as many of the "attractions" in one visit as we got to. So we were lucky... Wonderful ::rolls eyes::

I first realized something was wrong as we sat at a red light. A shabbily dressed young man was standing by a garbage can, moving his tongue around his mouth, puffing out his cheeks and lips. My curiosity was piqued, because, quite simply, he looked stranger than all the other strange people on the street. Suddenly, as I watched, without anywarning whatsoever, he bent over and calmly vomited what must have been a full three course meal into the garbage. It was quite nauseating, and I almost had to go join him... He then stood back up, and began poking around his mouth with his tongue again. I realized from prior experience that this was not a good sign. Once again he bent over, and calmly emptied the contents of his stomach into the garbage. I stayed perfectly calm of course, and began espousing profound and intellectual things (at a normal decibal level I might add) like: "EW!" and "Oh I did NOT need to see that right now!" All the ruckus I was creating alerted the other passengers in the car that we had front row seats to one of the cities prime entertainers, and they tuned in to the performance, turning a little green themselves. The young man (whos name I never got, sorry to all those who wanted to hire him for their sons Bar Mitzvah...) walked away from the garbage, and we all breathed a sigh of relief - which we immediately choked on as he stopped, and performed his by now familiar oral inspection.

Uh oh.

He turned around and expelled whatever he had left into the garbage, and then mercifully left us alone and crossed the street. I think the most unnerving thing about him was how calm he was. There was no "hurling," he just looked like he was spitting. Albeit like a fountain. Yuck.

Sorry if that last section conjured some unwanted mental pictures. The rest of our escapades are not nearly as disgusting. They are funnier though :).

Our next entertainer, believe it or not, was performing in the toy district. We were looking for a place to park so we could pick up the supplies we needed for the shul, when suddenly a black woman wearing a long navy blue trench coat buttoned tight up to her neck, with a rumpled fishermans hat atop her head, started directing Levi (he was driving). Waving him forward, motioning for him to stop, telling him to back up, informing him he was too far from the curb, and finally giving him a slightly scary smile and a thumbs up when she thought he had it perfect. She reminded me of one of those people that direct the airplanes as they take off. As she approached the car, I noticed she was wearing glasses that magnified her eyes till her face looked like it was turning off every time she blinked. She checked the parking meters for us, and advised us to move into a different spot, seeing as our meter was empty, but the other one had an hour of time left... Levi complied - why disappoint her ;)? He then hopped out of the car while the rest of us stayed to guard our luggage. Our new entertainer approached the car, and began making circles around her ears with her hands. I smiled and nodded, after all, I agreed with her. She asked me to turn on the music so she could dance. I shook my head no. There are some images I would rather not have floating around my head while I dream at night. She pouted and asked again. I violently shook my head in refusal. She lost interest in dancing, and began inspecting the car. After a few minutes of watching her circle us, my cell phone rang. Levi needed to load the car. I slid into the drivers seat and gave that show its curtain call.

When we told him he missed the rest of the performance, Levi was a bit miffed. He wanted to go back. We didn't mind. He took out his camera so we could get pictures, and handed it to me (he had to drive ;)). Most of the streets are one way, so we had to make a big circle to get there. Along the way, we suddenly found ourselves in the middle of the woods. Or so we thought. There were hundreds of tents lining the sidewalk, so our confusion was understandable. I began snapping pictures of this developing "apartment complex," and a shrill scream erupted from behind us - "CAMERA, WATCH OUT!!!" A few people dove into their tents, leading you to think their activites weren't completely on the up and up. A theory that was confirmed on the next street as we saw a "Sidewalk Pharmacy,' conducting business...

We got back to our spot, but a new "valet" was there. A black man this time. He began directing us into a spot, while he stuck a paper clip into the parking meter and jiggled it around. Levi put the car into park and stuck his head out the window and innocently asked "can we get a picture with you?" The guy immediately turned away muttering "Oh noooooo, no pictures..." and hurried to be somewhere else.

So those were our "Close Encounters." We saw some more talented people - a boxer whos opponent was thin air, a chinese man who thought his umbrella was a sword, and so on and so on :).

It made quite a story to tell to the people in Irvine on Shabbos, and now to you...

Mullholland Drive

 
It seems as if it's Levi's aspiration to turn me into a model. There will most definitely be more pictures taken from this lookout point - You can't even see the view in this one... and trust me it's worth seeing :).