Escapades

You're not going to believe half of this.

If you've ever been to a place as socially disfunctional as Downtown L.A. you might believe some of it. Although we've been told our story is a bit extreme. Supposedly you dont normally get to see as many of the "attractions" in one visit as we got to. So we were lucky... Wonderful ::rolls eyes::

I first realized something was wrong as we sat at a red light. A shabbily dressed young man was standing by a garbage can, moving his tongue around his mouth, puffing out his cheeks and lips. My curiosity was piqued, because, quite simply, he looked stranger than all the other strange people on the street. Suddenly, as I watched, without anywarning whatsoever, he bent over and calmly vomited what must have been a full three course meal into the garbage. It was quite nauseating, and I almost had to go join him... He then stood back up, and began poking around his mouth with his tongue again. I realized from prior experience that this was not a good sign. Once again he bent over, and calmly emptied the contents of his stomach into the garbage. I stayed perfectly calm of course, and began espousing profound and intellectual things (at a normal decibal level I might add) like: "EW!" and "Oh I did NOT need to see that right now!" All the ruckus I was creating alerted the other passengers in the car that we had front row seats to one of the cities prime entertainers, and they tuned in to the performance, turning a little green themselves. The young man (whos name I never got, sorry to all those who wanted to hire him for their sons Bar Mitzvah...) walked away from the garbage, and we all breathed a sigh of relief - which we immediately choked on as he stopped, and performed his by now familiar oral inspection.

Uh oh.

He turned around and expelled whatever he had left into the garbage, and then mercifully left us alone and crossed the street. I think the most unnerving thing about him was how calm he was. There was no "hurling," he just looked like he was spitting. Albeit like a fountain. Yuck.

Sorry if that last section conjured some unwanted mental pictures. The rest of our escapades are not nearly as disgusting. They are funnier though :).

Our next entertainer, believe it or not, was performing in the toy district. We were looking for a place to park so we could pick up the supplies we needed for the shul, when suddenly a black woman wearing a long navy blue trench coat buttoned tight up to her neck, with a rumpled fishermans hat atop her head, started directing Levi (he was driving). Waving him forward, motioning for him to stop, telling him to back up, informing him he was too far from the curb, and finally giving him a slightly scary smile and a thumbs up when she thought he had it perfect. She reminded me of one of those people that direct the airplanes as they take off. As she approached the car, I noticed she was wearing glasses that magnified her eyes till her face looked like it was turning off every time she blinked. She checked the parking meters for us, and advised us to move into a different spot, seeing as our meter was empty, but the other one had an hour of time left... Levi complied - why disappoint her ;)? He then hopped out of the car while the rest of us stayed to guard our luggage. Our new entertainer approached the car, and began making circles around her ears with her hands. I smiled and nodded, after all, I agreed with her. She asked me to turn on the music so she could dance. I shook my head no. There are some images I would rather not have floating around my head while I dream at night. She pouted and asked again. I violently shook my head in refusal. She lost interest in dancing, and began inspecting the car. After a few minutes of watching her circle us, my cell phone rang. Levi needed to load the car. I slid into the drivers seat and gave that show its curtain call.

When we told him he missed the rest of the performance, Levi was a bit miffed. He wanted to go back. We didn't mind. He took out his camera so we could get pictures, and handed it to me (he had to drive ;)). Most of the streets are one way, so we had to make a big circle to get there. Along the way, we suddenly found ourselves in the middle of the woods. Or so we thought. There were hundreds of tents lining the sidewalk, so our confusion was understandable. I began snapping pictures of this developing "apartment complex," and a shrill scream erupted from behind us - "CAMERA, WATCH OUT!!!" A few people dove into their tents, leading you to think their activites weren't completely on the up and up. A theory that was confirmed on the next street as we saw a "Sidewalk Pharmacy,' conducting business...

We got back to our spot, but a new "valet" was there. A black man this time. He began directing us into a spot, while he stuck a paper clip into the parking meter and jiggled it around. Levi put the car into park and stuck his head out the window and innocently asked "can we get a picture with you?" The guy immediately turned away muttering "Oh noooooo, no pictures..." and hurried to be somewhere else.

So those were our "Close Encounters." We saw some more talented people - a boxer whos opponent was thin air, a chinese man who thought his umbrella was a sword, and so on and so on :).

It made quite a story to tell to the people in Irvine on Shabbos, and now to you...